Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
