You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
