Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
