dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize