I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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