My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
