"it" just moved
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
