Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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