It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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