come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
