Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
