just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
