M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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