I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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