No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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