I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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