next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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