Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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