how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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