Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
