I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
