Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
