some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
