can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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