Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
