mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
