yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
