So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
