the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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