highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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