If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
