he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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