My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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