i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
