yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
