Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
