Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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