my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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