i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
