Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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