saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize