apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
