Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
