Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
