.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wish there were birth control emojis
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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