Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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