Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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