You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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