we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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