Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
