oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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