I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize