i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
