Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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