Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
