bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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