Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
