How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
