I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
