I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
