Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
