I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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