There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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