I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
