While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
