I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
