she is the kim kardashian of front butts
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
