I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
