You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
