Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
