They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
