I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
