A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
