did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
