She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
