DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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