Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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