Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
