Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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