People in love make me want to vomit
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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