"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
