im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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