I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
