On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
