Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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