Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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