apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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