thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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