Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize