Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I believe in your delicious
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
