It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
pop tarts are not kleenex
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize