youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
