I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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