it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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