The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
